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Let’s get to the other side of small talk!
Who cares what the weather’s doing? I’d rather talk about the meaning of life!
Someone On Pinterest Agrees About Small Talk.
When I first saw this post it struck a nerve. I’ve never been one for useless small talk.
Yes of course it has its place as an ice breaker but too often we don’t move beyond it.
It’s only when we can talk about any and everything with people that we know we’re operating from our authentic selves.
Otherwise we’re simply putting on an Oscar performance.
Yes I do care about how your family is doing if I ask “How’s everyone in the family?”
But yes I do expect you to say, “Oh yes, everyone’s fine thanks” -whether that’s true or not.
Granted we don’t always want people to know our business but we all know if we’re not moving past the pleasantries we’re not being real.
We Talk and Talk…Say Nothing
Being sociable is something most of us want to be seen as, even if it means talking for the sake of talking.
Uggh! Something I have never been comfortable with.
So I just met you and we’ve done the pleasantries. Now tell me how you really feel about your family, your job, your life in general.
Let’s Talk About The Real You
Tell me what you really think about the government, the people cutting you up in traffic, the teachers in your children’s school.
You may well be fine with all the above and more. But how do you really feel?
What are your insecurities? Why are you afraid that you might make yourself vulnerable?
Do you really think I believe you’re one-dimensional anyway?
I may never have seen you angry but who knows what you look like when you get in a temper?
I may have seen you only happy and upbeat, but who knows how many times you’ve cried yourself to sleep at night?
You may say how proud you are of your children, and I don’t doubt it, but what kind of things do you argue about with them?
What about your own childhood? Oh those sweet memories!
But…what about the times when you were scared?
What were you scared of and why?
What do you think about those things now?
Who’s Behind The Mask?
So what lies have you told? Why did you tell them?
What do you think “it’s all about?”
How do you really feel about what you say you believe? About anything, I mean.
Are you totally committed, or do you secretly doubt sometimes?
I sometimes feel a little vulnerable on this blog because I’m pouring out my soul.
You’re seeing a side of me you won’t see sitting in the office or at some social event.
There’s a saying that there are three sides to everyone.
The side you show the world, the side you show your friends and family, and the side no one ever sees.
Small Talk And Fairy Tales
We don’t have to fully expose ourselves so that everyone sees all the nooks and crannies of our lives.
We don’t have to tell our deepest, darkest secrets.
However, no one is going to believe that your life is only what people see on Facebook.
I’m all for advertising the wonderful things going on in your life, but we all know that’s not the whole picture.
I mean, if it is, then what’s your secret pray tell?!
No – life is complex. It’s not all sunshine and roses.
Life is not a fairy tale!
Open The Mind, Close The Mouth
We’re comfortable talking about things to other people who agree with our philosophy.
How about conversations with people who scoff at our beliefs?
Can you have a constructive discussion with someone who has opposite beliefs? Or would you rather stick to the pleasantries?
You don’t have to think the same way I do but can we have a civilised conversation in which we respectfully listen to each other?
I’m interested to know why you believe what you do. How your mind works.
God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason, as the saying goes.
What can I learn from your rationale? What can you learn from mine?
A Matter Of Life And Death
Proverbs 18:21 says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” We can use our words to either harm or to uplift.
Most of the time (!) our words are not intended for harm but the damage is done anyway.
Small talk eliminates the danger of “death”. However there is very little life in it.
Of course we must choose our words carefully. We tend not to when we’re tired or irritated for whatever reason.
So let’s talk frankly and openly together but always mindful of how we might come across.
Telling It Like It Is…
Are you one for snide remarks when you feel you can’t say what you really want to say? We’ve probably all been there.
Better to bite the tongue or do the old cliche of counting to ten first.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of being assertive i.e., saying what you really want to but in a respectful way.
I mean, if your relationships are based on real talk rather than small talk then both of you will be comfortable with this anyway.
In some cultures they don’t hold back. They will insult you to your face and not see any wrong doing in it. (“Look how fat you are now!”)
They are usually used to a difficult life so there has been no time for niceties and false compliments.
As far as they are concerned they are just telling you the truth!
In our “sophisticated” society we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or offend anyone.
Well it’s not about that. We don’t want death in our words but we do still want to keep things real.
…But Always Having Respect
I won’t insult you. Remember, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
I might try to find some common ground though.
Maybe I’ll tell you about my own weight loss challenges.
Listen, everyone has hang ups about their body, whatever it looks like. Perhaps we can find solutions for each other.
Let’s just be real and talk about it.
Waste No More Time On Small Talk
We often hear the expression “Life is too short…” Let’s not waste any more time on small talk.
Life can be so much more interesting than that.
So, yeah, let me know “what’s up”.
But then, let’s talk – BIG!
